beautiful . solitude

Had a dream last nite involving a couple of people that I know in real life.

 

The story took place on a campus that look a lot like UT, but a little more classy with very "uptown-ish" buildings.  In the dream, I was the age that I am now, but a couple of the others were how I remembered them in let's say, high school.  The atmosphere was a little yellow, like sephia, but the scenes were sharp and just ... a very dusk-in-Paris kind of feel (sorry if I'm not making any sense).

Thru my friend Janet, I managed to get myself almost married to a distant relative in her well-to-do and almost prestigious family, which also included a girl who looks exactly like my high school classmate Phung 華.  This was something that I did on a whim, and I really did not know anything about the guy, other than the facts that had proven him to be very eligible on paper (good education, good job, decent appearance, well-mannered, good family, etc).  I remember meeting him (in the dream) in person once or twice, and he reminded me of one of the guys that I've seen from an episode of 康熙來了, the one that had all the "most eligible Taiwanese bachelors."  I think he was the one who chartered a private jet to fly his girlfriend to and from Vegas. 

We had done the initial paperwork but left it unfinished since I was still missing some documents.  I began to feel second thoughts on this arrangement a few weeks later, when I realized that I couldn't remember his name nor what he looked like.  At the same time, I had a crush on another guy, and had no interest in getting married. 

I promptly brought up the issue the next time I met with him.  He just happened to be with family at the time, at some restaurant having dinner.  They were shocked and angry (of course), and tried talking me out of breaking the engagement.  The conversation was getting nowhere, and Phung basically started putting me down in the sense that I should be grateful that someone like him even agreed to marrying someone like me, who really didn't have much to offer.  She started pointing out my faults, to which I only felt slightly insulted, because they were all true (sadly).  The guy sat across from me and quietly ate his food.  The conversation went nowhere and I left the restaurant while all the women got up for a group bathroom break. 

I found my sister sitting with a group of her friends near some nearby church, singled her out, met up with a couple of my old high school friends (including Hari), and all went to a local bar-type restaurant for dinner.  We ate and chatted and laughed for hours, and then all of the sudden, Phung and another woman from the family showed up.  They took me to another hole-in-the-wall type of place that actually turned out to be a super fancy and upscale sushi restaurant.  Some of the other family members were already there.  I sat down but refused to touch of the stuff. 

After watching everyone eat for a few minutes, I noticed that everyone in the family wore these snap-on chains with a charm around their necks.  Phung caught me looking and said something along the lines of, so now you know how good we are.

"I just thought that it's interesting that you all wear these necklaces."

When she made this exasperated commented about how STRANGE I was and started lecturing me again on how they're doing me a favor by letting me into the family, I stood up, slammed my hands onto the table and cussed her out in Chinese, telling her that her entire family were pretentious behaved like high-class wannabes.  Then I stormed out of the sushi place and went back to my own group, where I found my group passed out from the drinking.  I attempted to help the owner clean up our mess, but then the guy showed up. 

He said that he couldn't understand my way of thought and why is it that I wanted to get out of the engagement.  He also said that the stuff I say (in general) really makes very little sense and it makes me appear really "stupid" in front of the other people.  I was really too tired to discuss this with him, and simply told him that if that really is the case, then it makes perfect sense for us to not get married. 

What was so hard to understand about the concept?  If you don't like someone and thinks that she's awkward and embarrassing and stupid, then don't be with her! 

And then Sook called and woke me up.